Who Said It Was Love?

You don’t search for love because it will find its way to you. You won’t pick it out from a crowd but you’ll notice it in the room. You find yourself wanting to be with the people that make you happy. Some people don’t hurt you directly, but are bad for you. Some will cause problems later on in your life, because they are bad for you. Don’t waste time chasing people. If they end up being a bad one, it’s not worth it. If it’s a better one, what would you do? Sit there and contemplate if it’s the best one. No one can know where you’ll end up. Love finds it’s way to you, be grateful when it’s there. If it finds you, don’t sit there wishing for a better one.

I don’t believe in much, but I know I want to be happy. I try to water the things that make me smile, but sometimes I’ll weep and drown the things I care about… If I thought about you as a flower, I’d be so worried that you’d turn out dry. That our friendship would just turn to dust. Water would be attention, and I give it out too much. I give you so much attention, whenever I have free time I text you. Whenever I think about you, I let you know. I say nice things about you, and make sure you know it too. I don’t ever give up on making you smile. But, this is all me. What about you? What about the other person in the room? In no time, I’ve already filled the whole room with so much attention, you’d drown in it. I just want you to bloom, but I forget you need space too.

Everyone needs a positive, open and breathable space. Everyone needs to feel free. I know I’m in that room too. When I give out too much attention, I forget I need some positive space too. Everyone needs to bloom, and some just need their space alone. I know I always need some space all to myself. I can’t ever be with someone and not feel like I’m drowning in my own insecurities. I push people away instead of just taking my own space.

Honestly, I don’t know what love is or what it feels like. I know people care for me and I’ll care just as much. I don’t believe in it but I do believe in just being happy. I won’t drown this time around, I’ll keep trying to remember to breathe. To give myself some space. I need to be a little more patient.

You’re A Drug

Sorry if this weirds you out, but love’s a drug. A touch, a feel, I say this all the time. You get a rush when you kiss someone. It takes your breath away when you are left alone. You crave it when you’re in your head, getting butterflies gets you excited. It’s not good or bad, but addicting. 

I grew up falling in and out of love more times than I should’ve. I think getting to know someone like that makes both of you learn a lot about life. I feel like I have a lot less fear about my life because I understand the feeling of being alone and being surrounded by love. I learned to love myself in many ways, and I learned how to care for others. 

When I was figuring it all out, I was completely dependent on love. I depended on it because I felt as if I needed to understand why love had to exist and why it had to hurt or feel so good. I needed to learn how to control the feeling so I could balance my emotions. 

All growing up, I lived through too much, and love was the only thing that felt both good and bad, which made me confused. You grow up knowing right from wrong and the difference between the two. I hated how you could feel great and feel horrible at the same time.

Most of the experiences I’ve went through life were part of why I was so obsessed with understanding how or why others cared. I hated it. Now, I live with PTSD. Most nights I wish it would all stop. Teaching myself how others care and feel make me understand more about why I feel a certain way. It helps me relate, and that’s how learning about love helped me with my PTSD.

I was addicted to this, and to you, because I can’t control myself. Thanks to you, I learned how to control myself more than any other year of my life. I don’t care if it’s right or wrong, it helps me grow up. You helped me understand a little more about life. Appreciate all the lessons you go through, don’t ever give up. Try to forgive, but don’t ever forget what you learnt.